2017-06-25 - 9:47 p.m.
Jack Lets Down Some Of His Silent Charade (2)
So I did not leave my old friend hanging for too long.
I thought about it for a couple days then gave her the simple truth.
I am Jack's Mental Health Cliff Notes
Thinking about it, I was very of matter of fact. Politely dissociated. I was honest but I did not really feel any of the words I was saying. Just said them.
Despite being a writer and how I talk here, I did not wax romantic, dramatic, any of it.
I am Jack's Lack Of Emotional Intensity.
I just turned it off. Can you be impersonally personal?
There was a lot left unsaid. But enough said.
Still it felt like I was driving off a cliff.
Maybe I am.
I joked that I am a professional mental patient. Gallows humor. But I don't know how she took it. She probably didn't think it was funny.
It is and it isn't. Because it's true.
I had to crack some sort of smile. Just to let her know I am okay, even if I am not.
One of the reasons I was protecting her from me, even still a little now, is I do not think she can handle it.
Back in high school, we met through a mutual best friend.
She was my first crush, puppy love and my fucking idol. Imagine a teenage female Tyler Durden. Female Tyler had schizophrenia, borderline and who knows what else. She was a molotav cocktail and I loved it.
I first met Female Tyler in middle school.
After being hit in the head with a dictionary so hard she got a concussion, her mother pulled her out of her old school and sent her to my "nice" little Catholic school.
Where needless to say she did not fit in at all. That was the first thing we had in common
She told me about her other best friend from her old school that she still was close to, but for some reason she didn't think we would like each other at all.
This other best friend and I knew about each other simply as names through our dear degree of separation.
Fast forward a few years, we are all starting high school together.
The first day everyone had been separated by the first letter of our last names. Female
Just then I feel this tiny little tap on my shoulder. I turn around and this shy geeky
Tentatively I ask/say "Yes...? Are you Other Best Friend?"
She smiled "Yes!"
"How did you know it was me?" I asked.
Even bigger smile. "Because of your band shirt. I wasn't sure, but I was pretty sure it
Yes we were all into the same music.
We were instant friends because of that shirt.
Yeah it is a cute story.
Female Tyler, Other Best Friend and I were all good friends.
However Female Tyler became more and more dark, disturbed, and mentally unstable.
Finally Other Best Friend couldn't deal with her and her "psycho shit" anymore and they were no longer friends.
As I also became more and more dark and disturbed, we began to grow apart. We were still friends but not as close.
Female Tyler ended up dropping out by her psychiatrist's recommendation.
Other Best Friend and I lost touch for a few years after graduation but reunited in a music store. Yeah music again.
I hardly recognized her and said rather ineptly "Wow you're cool now!"
She accepted my compliment with smiling sarcastic grace and we became friends again. Making years and years of new memories.
In our better days, everything was great.
But when I began really losing my mind, she could not handle my "psycho shit" either and even yelled at me that I was reminding her of Female Tyler.
And we have come full circle.
Jack Lets Down Some Of His Silent Charade - 2017-06-25
Jack Is Never Okay - 2017-06-16
Jack's After Thoughts On His Paranoid Insecurity - 2017-05-17
Jack's Constant Paranoid Insecurity - 2017-05-12