2009-09-02 - 11:10 p.m.
Jack's Sudden Unexpected Withdrawal
I feel like I am going to be up all night.
There is not going to be any warm medicated buzz to seduce me to sleep.
This medication thing is even better than I thought.
And so much worse.
I realize I probably have not taken it in days.
There was a reason I kept asking myself if I had taken it.
Because I didn't.
This isn't a sudden tolerance.
It's fucking withdrawl.
And the pharmacist could care less.
She wasn't even listening to what I was saying.
I spent most of yesterday trying to find out what the fuck was happening to me. And I am fucking exhausted.
For some reason, yesterday morning I opened the cabinet and grabbed my medicine bottle and put it down on the edge of the counter, as I was bending down to get some breakfast out of the bottom cabinet.
I don't even take my medication in the morning.
At the floor level, there it was. What I had been looking for, was right in my fucking face.
The letters HCL.
Paroxetine HCL.
It never said that before.
For the last several years, the bottle has faithfully been labeled Paroxetine TAB.
When I looked up "Paroxetine HCL" most of the search results were for Paxil CR. Controlled release.
From what I have always heard, controlled release anything is shit.
Taking Paxil CR when you are used to taking the real thing can give you withdrawals.
It does not even enter your system until it has been completely digested 1-5 hours later.
And then it is released in a slow motion piss trickle so subtle, it's like it isn't even there.
This would explain a lot.
This would explain why I have not been able to sleep. Why I have been jerking awake. Shooting up as if from a nightmare and exclaiming strange disoriented things such as "It's Tuesday!"
This would also explain why I have suddenly been so exhausted during the day. No amount of coffee could stop the constant yawning and depressed sedate desire to just sleep.
I thought it was just sleep addiction again.
Maybe I was depressed?
For some reason, my medication didn't seem to be working.
Maybe I needed a day or two off to reset myself?
I don't know.
I kept taking it. Expecting it to kick in. Feel right again.
Then slowly I began realizing.
Continued...
Jack Remembers; The Smell Of Pumpkin Spice - 2009-09-04
Jack Tortures Another Entry Out Of Himself - 2009-09-04
Jack's Sick Violent Thoughts - 2009-09-03
Maybe Jack Needs To Make His Problem Yours - 2009-09-02
