2009-03-06 - 6:42 p.m.
If There Was, Would Jack Ever Come Back?
There is nowhere I can go.
There is nowhere I can hide.
No where for me to get away.
There is no secret hideout for me to sneak off to. Then reappear smiling and suspicious. Seemingly out of nowhere.
I am not a good liar. But under the right circumstances, I could probably learn. Nothing against you, but if I gave this away, it would be ruined.
My place would no longer... well... be mine.
For a long time, Little Paper Street was my place. Away from the world. This was my place away from my life.
I felt safe here.
This was my world away from the world.
Since then the world has tried to follow me here.
My mind is still pressing its back against the doors. The way I used to hole up in my bedroom, trying to escape from an angry parent.
In my sleep, an unresolved territorial war wages on and on. Almost every night, I am fighting something that is not even real. Something that never even happened, keeps happening. Again and again.
My mind can not find peace.
It does not matter how many times I fight this. I never really win. I never really lose.
On some level, I still believe there is a threat.
And I am still trying to escape from it.
But it keeps finding me. In my sleep.
It chases me through my dreams.
Sometimes even in my dreams I can not escape. There is nowhere I can hide. It is always there. It follows me. Everywhere.
Think I am disturbed?
I am beginning to feel this way more and more.
There is nowhere I can hide.
I ask myself all the time, "If there was, would I ever come back?"
I would stay longer and longer until one day I just disappeared.
One day I just would not come back.
Maybe that is why I couldn't tell anyone about it.
Jack Is Selfish And Self Absorbed (2) - 2009-03-20
Jack Is Selfish And Self Absorbed - 2009-03-20
Jack Plays Therapist (And A Manipulative Little Shit) - 2009-03-20
Jack's Restless Secret Thoughts - 2009-03-06
