2008-04-11 - 5:46 p.m.
What Jack Should Be Doing And Where He Should Be
Last night I had a dream that has left me feeling so much longing.
It does not help that today is one of those days that make me wish I never had to worry again.
One of those warm but cool, breezy spring days that brings back memories of Isolation that make my soul ache.
One of those days that remind me of how happy life, could be. If only...
That meloncholy spiritual longing is awakened.
That wildness in my soul is stirred, teased and frustrated.
And I start to wonder if I will ever really be happy.
Will I ever really be free? Again?
Like that? Better than that?
I feel like I know what I should be doing and where I should be. And this is not it.
Imagining and dreaming it is just not enough anymore.
I want to be there. Right now.
I want to be alone in my nowhere house, drinking coffee on the back porch, this beautiful day. Listening to the trees in the wind. Looking out over my property that runs as far as the eye can see. Seemlessly forever. Seamlessly into the wild. Probably state land.
I want to listen to the old weathered bamboo windchimes, that I used to keep in my plant room back at home.
I want to look over at my cat sleeping on a chair in the sun.
I would want this afternoon to last forever, but I would not be afraid of it ending. I would not hate time anymore. I would not hate the calendar or other man made devices anymore.
They would have no more power over me.
Don't try to tell me they don't.
Because they do.
I still have to go to work tonight, right?
Jack Has Had Enough - 2008-06-20
Jack Is Tired Of The Human Condition - 2008-04-11
What Jack Should Be Doing And Where He Should Be - 2008-04-11
Jack Finally Sees His Therapist (2) - 2008-04-01
