2006-08-21 - 2:20 p.m.
Jack Fades To Grey
Sometimes knowing your place means knowing that you do not have one anymore.
Coming to the slow painful realization that maybe you never had one to begin with. That the entire time you felt, and really believed you were on the inside, you never were.
After all, from here, you can see now that you never really could be.
That foot in the door never was there.
And as for those times, you thought you were completely on the other side, well.
Just think about it for a moment.
You do not have to say anything. Just think about it.
Mine is the world of the narrator.
The narrator stands on the outside. Despite being there for the entire story, he is never truly part of it. He has no place. The story could and would go on without him. It does all the time. The narrator is nothing more than a vicarious voice. He is no one.
I am Jack's World Of Vicarious Observation.
Somehow, I see myself where I never existed. Vicariously, I observe and try to write myself into the story. I try to give myself even the smallest part, existing as a memory in the main character's mind. As subliminal as I am, I am still there. Even if the main character never speaks of me. I am there. And it is good enough for me.
I live through observation.
I live through you.
Thinking that I am there with you.
I live in you.
And then I realize that all this time, I never even existed. I was never a part of you. I was never even a possibility.
The story goes on.
Without me.
Life goes on.
And somehow I have to accept that I have no place in it. That this is how it has to be. Somehow, I have to see this as a good thing. This is a happy ending. A happy beginning. Something like that.
Once upon a time.
They lived happily ever after.
The end.
The narrator only narrates. He observes. He states the obvious.
The characters write the story themselves. And sometimes it takes me a moment to realize that I have been written out of it.
Who is that fool standing there talking to himself?
Sometimes, I narrate in silence.
And no one notices that fool still standing there.
It's Only After You've Lost Everything... - 2008-03-12
Jack Is Afraid Of Losing Everything - 2008-03-10
Jack Does Not Know What He Is Living For - 2008-03-07
Jack's Festering Apathy - 2008-03-07
