2005-12-25 - 10:01 a.m.
Jack's Christmas Resignation
Here I am. Sitting on the edge of another Christmas celebration down at the family station.
A cup of coffee,(less sweet from the last meal of pie I just ate) and Pink Floyd keep me company in this morning grey livingroom. Computer light familiarity. Life in anonymous shades of grey. This could be just another day.
I feel like a caged circus animal watching the festive colors with growing concern through the bars of my cage.
There is no where to run.
There is no where to hide.
Maybe that is why I am not even trying this year.
My eyes have dulled and I am still.
My nerves play out in the nervous spinal chattering of the keys.
And that last untamed flickering in my chest.
I am somewhere between nervous and resigned.
The show must go on.
I have accepted my stupid little fate.
Like a good dancing bear, I will get up on my red shiny ball and make you laugh. At me.
Tyler once told me "There is nothing so sacred that someone else will not spit on it."
So go ahead.
Spit on me.
Go ahead.
Crush me underfoot.
I am nothing but crumbs anyway.
Use me.
Any way you see fit.
Does it get you off?
To use me to masturbate your burgeoning ego?
Does my self worth feel good shoved all the way up your pompous ass?
Cum on me.
Right in the face.
Shit on me.
Piss your insults all over me.
I will drink them like this year's Christmas champagne.
And I will toast to your good health.
I am sacraficing myself for you.
So amuse yourselves.
Haze me.
Laugh at me like the wet shaved prison rat I am.
I have already decided that there is nothing that you can do to me, that I have not already done to myself.
It's Only After You've Lost Everything... - 2008-03-12
Jack Is Afraid Of Losing Everything - 2008-03-10
Jack Does Not Know What He Is Living For - 2008-03-07
Jack's Festering Apathy - 2008-03-07
