2017-09-04 - 7:47 p.m.
Jack's Strange Waking Meditation
***It's a good thing I date the entries I write in Notepad. I wrote this on August the 10th. The day after my heart was ghosted. Shattered. Again. I got too tired to edit and post it so I saved it for the next day. Then with everything going on, never got back to it.***
It was like the dew fell on me.
Complete and total stillness.
For a moment, this whole psychological spiritual crisis was just some strange dream that was fading away as I was waking. I could not really remember what it was about. Something was wrong?
Then I became aware of this paper thin protective mantle laying just on top of me.
I was out of my body, investigating the edges.
No, that is too violent.
Someone had laid a sheet of magical healing rice paper over me like a hospital blanket.
There is something about rice paper that I associate with tranquility. Calm peace. Sunlit Chinese paper windows.
I started getting the feeling that this paper was the only thing that was holding the beast back. This ethereal vapor thin paper was somehow dividing me. Protecting me from myself. But any wrong move and I would rip right through it.
As peaceful as this metaphor for my sanity is, it is also disturbingly fragile.
I laid as still as I could not wanting to tear it.
But I saw my foot go through it.
Suddenly I was awake. Everything rushing back into me like air into a cut.
I remember everything.
I was not just dreaming.
You are awake and this is real.
It was like I was touched by angels.
Sometimes I just wake up in these strange peaceful states.
Yeah well now that I am awake, I am pissed. Don't touch me.
Don't play these games with me. Sweetly sadistic head fucks. Heart fucks.
I am so mad at my higher power.
My spirit guides.
My imaginary friends.
The voices in my head.
The faces in the wood grain.
Right now, it all kind of looks the same.
I can't tell the difference.
So I am going to treat it like it all is.
What good is anything if you can't turn it on its head and see what happens?
Jack Is On The Verge Of Having A Dark Night Of The Everything - 2017-08-10
Jack Is Out Of Spoons - 2017-08-07
Jack Is Going To Crack (3) - 2017-08-04
Jack Is Going To Crack (2) - 2017-08-03